Before I go on, my name is Louise, i’m 28 years young, I live in Hertfordshire in England with my Mum, Step Dad & sister, I run my own business, I am not in a relationship and I have no children and i’ve never been married.
When I was travelling back in 2015, I met a guy when I was on an island called Nusa Lembongan, in Indonesia, we were at a full moon party, he told me that he’d been to Antarctica and he went on a sailing type of boat as opposed to a luxury cruise ship, I was so inspired by him and this blog is dedicated to you……
…….My Mum made a comment to me just a matter of days ago, she said, “you should get on that dating site, otherwise you’re never going to meet anyone” I felt really confused hearing these words come out of her mouth, because I thought to myself, why does she think I need to find a man? I’m running my business and i’m doing ok, why do I need to meet someone? Will my life not be complete until I have a man or a family of my own?
I don’t have a television in my bedroom out of choice, so when i’m in the living room, I kind of just have to watch what others are watching, unless I potter around doing something else. My sister was watching a programme the other day called “Kathy Burke’s all woman”, which sounded interesting, so I stuck by to listen in. One of the topics on the show Kathy was discussing, was the pressures that females have in life, in particular motherhood. As a woman, I feel immense pressure sometimes, do I wan’t kids? Can I even have kids? A women is constantly losing eggs, so we know time is running out as such.. I read 1 article that said women lose 90% of their eggs by the age of 30.. and some women have even paid to freeze their eggs so that they can have a back up plan….
It can be scary if you think about it too much because these questions come about like “am I ever going to be a Mum?” but then, “hang on, do I actually want to be a Mum?” “Why am I not a Mum already” You feel like you’re playing a tennis match in your mind. You find yourself scrolling on instagram or facebook looking at other peoples lives and you question your own and you find yourself going into a downward spiral….
In my life i’ve had 6 relationships with males, where i’ve committed my all into the relationship, they’ve all met my family, discussions of future have come about, some of them I lived with, some of them I travelled with, some of them i’ve revisited, but clearly, none of the relationships worked out..
I had a bit of an epiphany shall we say a few months ago after my most recent relationship broke down, because I thought to myself, wow, some people meet one day over a coat and 66 years later, they’re still married… (true story) that’s my grandparents, mother and father of my father….
so I thought to myself, how have I been in 6 relationships and none of them work? I keep hearing these words of “there’s plenty more fish in the sea” or “he wasn’t good enough for you” or “you deserve better” bla bla bla…. but that epiphany, where I thought, blimey, maybe it’s me?…. I wondered do I not deserve love? Am I not capable of love? Why am I such a bad girlfriend? Am I not good enough? Why me? Everyone else around me is in relationships, married or has kids, why am I still single at 28 living with my parents?!
1 day as I lay in bed, I couldn’t sleep, constant thoughts about everything and anything as you do and I found myself googling some relationship advise or something and I came across a relationship coach who is also a psychotherapist. What I learned and figured, is that it was time for me to focus on me. This is not the time for me to invest in a relationship and a family, I had my own underlying issues to deal with, because all that would happen, is I would keep going around in circles until I finally addressed my life.
Everyone in this world is unique, we all have our own stories with up’s and downs and round and rounds, we may drink wine to numb our pain or overwork ourselves because we can’t bare the thought of being alone, or we might splash out on a new car because it fills that empty void. Thing’s don’t work out and we just say ”oh it wasn’t meant to be” and we become confused about which direction to take. What will bring us lasting joy and what will make me feel successful?
When all of these questions are going on and your head is working in overdrive at 100mph, the first thing I would recommend, is take a deep breath….
Meditation helps to ground us, because it brings our awareness back to the present moment. Yesterday i.e. the past, is thoughts, tomorrow i.e. the future, is thoughts. We get so lost in our thoughts that we miss the moment. We can be sat on a balcony with a nice cup of tea and a blanket watching the night sky, but worrying about how our future will look, but why does it even matter when the present moment is so perfect?
It’s because society, i.e. marketing/ advertising shows us how we should apparently live our life, from school to college, getting a job to getting married, to making a family and then you live happily after, but for some, this doesn’t happen and if it doesn’t it seems we have failed at life, like we did something wrong or that we must not be happy because we are not living our lives by the confines of the majority of the society.
If anything I have said resonates with you, I think the most important thing you can also do, is take time to focus on you in the present moment, reconnect with your breath, ground yourself and remind yourself how great life is right now through gratitude and with practice, soon you will stop worrying about the future, because the future doesn’t exist, the only moment is now. Remember life is a journey, there is no destination, enjoy the ride, embrace the lows with the highs, we cannot have sunshine without rain. “Life isn’t about waiting for the storm to pass, it’s about learning to dance in the rain”
You can watch my live guided meditation tutorial to help you more; right here right now, this is the only true moment to experience..
If you have recently come out of a relationship and if you’re interested in the coach I spoke about here is ‘Coach Craig kenneth’s youtube page’
Positive affirmation “I am enough”
Big hug and lots of love,